Rupert to James

"Right sonny bloody jim, finally you've done the right fucking thing. You've put your dick on the block and chopped it off. It's the first decent thing you've done in years. Couldn't you have kept the fucking lid on the fucking hacking thing? How come I did that and more fifty fucking years ago and no one knew a blind bloody thing but you're in the job for two fucking minutes and the cat isn't just out of the bag, it's shitting on the steps of  number fucking ten downing street. How do you figure this makes me bloody look? Like some loudmouthed crook who spends his fucking time looking up women's skirts? Well I'm fucking not, am I? I fly the fucking flag for decency, you know. No paediatrician is safe once I've got him in my sights. I'm the one who first uncovered their paedo secret societies. And I'm the one who made Britain safe from trade union bully boys.Not bloody screech-in-yer-earoles Thatcher. I did it. And I'm the one who was going to be running the show from inside Number fucking 10 with Coulson. And then what happens? The whole thing collapses like a stack of fucking canasta cards and next thing I know it all my dear old pals in the Met are up against the fucking wall with Cressida fucking Dick sticking her truncheon up their arses. Decency, sonny bloody jim. That's what I've been about. And the whole fucking party is over. And that little stuck-up tit Cameron is going to have to watch his fucking arse too. Every time I look at him, he's got pinker and more puffed up. It's touch and go which is going to happen first, him bursting or some legal eagle pricking him. We're stuffed, sonny jim, fucking stuffed and you've done sweet bloody prune juice to stem the tide. Now get out of my fucking sight till the next century. Who's talking any fucking sense in the world today apart from me? How about that Michael Gove pal? I like him. He's got class. I'll give him a call...'Michael...Michael...pick up, will yer...I wanna talk to someone sane....Michael...Michael....hello...hello...where the fuck is everybody?'