In a memo found earlier today, the Conservative Party make clear their intention to bring in a policy of providing incentives for the poor to eat each other. The anonymous writer of the memo points out that there is electoral gain in highlighting the fact that the last Labour government created millionaire benefit scroungers. All that a benefit scrounging mother needed to do, under the last government was have about a hundred babies and the benefits offices would simply give in and hand her the money.
What this government must do, the memo goes on, is give direct incentives to reverse this huge benefit outflow. The simplest thing to do is to engage the major serious daily newspapers, the Sun, the Daily Mail especially, to urge poor people to hunt down and eat other poor people. The government would issue maps of where poor people live, with big arrows explaining that it is the poor people, in these poor districts who are taking all the country's money from everyone else.
Newspapers should provide tips on how to provoke and hunt poor people, using insults and patronizing jokes. There should be mockery of how people speak and dress. Crucifixion should not be ruled out. Then following that, on the inside pages, there should be recipes for how to cook poor people. Celebrity chefs should be brought in to show, for example, how roasted dole queues are proving to be a fashionable meal.
Major intellectual figures like David Starkey, Kelvin MacKenzie and the like should be hired to explain how Britain will be much better off once the poor really get stuck into each other.
It is vital as part of this, that stories about rich people should be couched in terms of explaining how rich people hand out jobs and give money to charity. On no account, should there be any suggestion that rich people earn their wealth by getting people to work for them and of course any of the most recent bank scandals and tax evasion stories really have to be kept out of the news. It is absolutely vital that poor people never see the possibility of what it would be like if they ate the rich.