New Poem: Prince Otto

Prince Otto acquired so much personal wealth


that he started to wonder if he had reached a


point where there really was no need for him to


do anything. His mind turned to his own body.


Surely things that took effort could and should be


done by someone else. He commissioned his


scientists to investigate the possibility of inventing


a machine that would get rid of his bodily waste


without him having to make any effort at all. Various


suggestions were made,some of which are familiar


to us today as ways of dealing with medical situations,


involving bags and tubes and the like, but Prince Otto


felt that none of these were convenient enough and,


what’s more, would interfere with his pleasures. He


simply wanted someone or something to accompany


him to the usual private place and do the work for him.


Then, as he walked in his grounds, he noticed one


of his gardeners, pausing a moment in his work.


That’s it, he thought to himself. Everything in life


has its opposite. There is work. And there is not-work.


All I need to do is not-work. He felt a great burden


lifted from him. The years of scientific effort and


experiment had only brought him irritation, and


on occasions, some unpleasant sensations. He


went on eating and drinking as usual. Though he


had acquired fabulous wealth he wasn’t a prodigious


eater or drinker. At first, he enjoyed the feeling of


entering his private place, knowing full well that he


would be making no effort whatsoever. As far as


liquid waste was concerned, he was pleased to see


that apart from the matter of ensuring that his clothing


wasn’t an obstacle, he could indeed make no effort


at all. He invented - or thought that he invented - the


‘waterfall reverie’ - as a means of bringing on the


process. Solid matter was, well, another matter. He


would enter the private place, perceiving that the


need was there. Resolutely, he would announce to


himself that on no account would he, Prince Otto,


make any effort whatsoever, only for him then


to find that nothing happened. He tried alternative


reveries: quarrying, fruit-picking, tipping, spending...


none of them worked. As the days went by he found


that he became sluggish and sweated more than usual.


It wasn’t as though, prior to this vow, he had made much


effort anyway. It had only involved a moment of holding


the breath, a little contraction of the lower abdomen


perhaps, but nothing more. But his promise to himself


had to be kept. He would not go back on his word, even


if all it involved were such slight quantities of energy.


Needless to say, this was a matter that could not be kept


secret. As a result of his obsession, he found that he


could not proceed without telling anyone, but who could


he trust with the secret? Only his faithful hunting dog, also


called Prince Otto. So, deep in a glade in the palace park,


Prince Otto told Prince Otto the full story. No one knows


exactly how or why anyone else did get to know this story


but sure enough, the word went round:


Prince Otto (the prince, not the dog) was refusing to


make the customary effort. The effect this had on the


populace of the principality was remarkable. We might have


expected that the natural concern of the people and the


respect that they usually paid their ruler would have


produced advice, regret, compassion. Strangely on this


occasion, the first response seems to have been mostly


laughter and mockery. The second response, however, was


in its own way shocking. It was what a scientist would


call ‘sympathetic action’. This is where action in one organism


or part of an organism results in similar action in another


organism or part. To put it briefly, most people in the


principality, interpreted the Prince’s woes as a cue to say to


themselves, how Prince Otto behaves, so will we.


Fortunately, the people did not feel that this applied to bodily


processes, as they could see the painful consequences of so


doing. Rather, they applied it to their daily work. The outcome


of this was that Prince Otto not only suffered great physical


pain, he started to experience privations in all parts of his


life. The situation could not last. There was a contest


between two forces: inward and outward. Would the


deprivation of everything that supplied Prince Otto with his


needs - food, drink, clothing, heat - end his life; or would the


amassing of his waste result in a crisis of another kind?


Unfortunately, I have to close the curtains on this episode,


as the information as to what happened next is not available.


All that is known is that the small principality was no longer


ruled by a prince and new arrangements were made for the


production and distribution of goods and services. The gardener


who paused for a moment in his work became a local hero.


Prince Otto the dog died after many years entertaining children.


You can see him in a glass case in the Palace, which is now a

study centre.