Dear Justine Greening
At present our two children attend a comprehensive school. This is a bad idea, because, as you've pointed out, the only way to get a good education is through selection by ability.
I have an idea. I will turn our front room into a grammar school. To do this, I will need to select so I am in the process of writing an exam to decide which of our two children can come to My Front Room Grammar School. I've seen from your speeches that I need a poor child to join us. I am in the process of finding one.
My two and the poor one will do the test. I will make sure that two of them - not the poor one - don't pass. These two will be sent back to the comprehensive school, which is now not comprehensive because it doesn't include anyone at My Front Room Grammar School.
I hope you think that this is a good idea and makes My Front Room Grammar School eligible for government funding.