Wilshaw is on the phone.
Wilshaw: (tough) "No one tells my troops what to do. Just kick the door in. Get in there and bloody tell them. They're only teachers, for god's sake...."
(puts phone down)
Gove (sashays in, clicking his fingers, whistling and humming)
Wilshaw: Bloody knock will you? I'm just sending my boys into one of your pissy little free schools.
Gove: Don't care, Big Boy. I have a plannity plan. While you're mired in bumf and detail,
I'm just floating, man.
(still clicking his fingers, though now he's doing it under Wilshaw's nose.)
Wilshaw: I don't suppose I can avoid you telling me, can I?
Gove: Well, you may have missed my superb statement on the new CREATIVE GCSEs. (as he says 'creative' he clicks his fingers and wiggles his ass.) The Miller opportunity got in the way.
Wilshaw: Opportunity?
Gove: Oh 'FFS' (winks in a coy manner), one person's misfortune is another person's opportunity...y'dig?
Wilshaw: I don't 'dig' anything apart from my garden.
Gove: Anyway, did you miss my superb statement?
Wilshaw: Yep.
Gove: Well what I said, out trends the trendies, outgrooves the groovers and gets down with the kids.
Wilshaw: (puts his head in his hands and groans)
Gove: They can't go on calling me Gove the Gradgrind. I'm Mr Mega-creativity Man. Oh yes. Now for the follow-up.
Wilshaw: Can you do that somewhere else?
Gove: No, you're going to listen to this, Big Boy. I am going to initiate a great new initiative. (he gropes in his pocket for a piece of paper. He pulls it out. It's a Pizza Express bill. He has written on the back of it. Gove reads from it. Though he struggles with the writing)
It's called - "Sing - Do it!" and every school in the country will-
Wilshaw - England. Not 'the country'.
Gove: Yadda yadda. Every school, every child will sing. They'll - "do it!" What do you think?
Wilshaw: They do already, don't they?
Gove: Says who?
Wilshaw: Says me?
Gove: And what do you know? Nada. This is going to be the Gove Sing - Do it! And they're going to sing British songs. Great British songs. It's going to be the Great British Sing. Every newspaper, every media outlet is going to be on to this. The whole country is going to Sing sing sing!
Wilshaw: Apart from those that don't want to. And apart from those who you piss off.
Gove: That's where you and your police force come into it. This is going to be...inspected!
Wilshaw: My boys have got enough to enforce without having to listen to a bunch of kids caterwauling in the school hall.
Gove: What is it with you? Why do you stamp all over everything I try to do?
Wilshaw: Because it's crap?
Gove: And everything you say and do, is a watered down version of the Gestapo. Or not so watered.
Wilshaw: What would be the matter if it was?
Gove: (shouting) Don't you worry, Big Boy. You're the day before yesterday's man. I'm going to launch this Sing - Do It! project without you, then.
(stamps his foot, runs out. )
