"We can drop bombs through the eye of a needle.
We can't always find the needle.
But we drop the bombs anyway.
And they land very accurately.
On..er...whatever's there.
Which is good, isn't it?
"There will be civilian casualties.
That's true.
But these will be less important than our civilian casualties
...er...yes.
I think we're all agreed on that.
"Every time a bomb falls out of one of our planes
onto the people of the Middle East,
our credibility with the people of the Middle East
goes up...er....yes.
We will strain every tissue to bring people
together to discuss how to bring an end
to the killing
apart from the killing we're doing.
And the people of the Middle East
are with us on this.
They're always very grateful to us.
They love us.
And always have done.
All the way back to..er...Kitchener..
and Gordon.
Great men. Much loved.
"We are very sympathetic to the er...
plight of the refugees.
Yes, there will be refugees
as a result of our bombing action
we know that,
but you can rely on us
to...er...send them back,
where we will bomb them.
You can rely on us to do that.
I would like to make a point about Russia.
We don't trust Russia.
They say they're killing ISL people.
If they are, they're doing it in the wrong way.
If they're not, they should be.
Yes.
And Assad.
Assad is the most evil person to have ever
walked the earth.
He kills innocent civilians.
Can you imagine that?
We are doing all we can to
remove his enemies from the face of the earth.
That's what we're doing
and we know why we're doing it.
And none of us want the Russians in there
instead of us.
A quick point about Jeremy Corbyn.
He may look like a weak, useless, pacifist.
And he is.
He is very, very weak.
Very, very useless.
And very, very pacifist.
He's also a crazed killer.
Incredibly dangerous.
And with the potential to bring Britain to its knees
in the blink of an eye.
He and his evil marxist henchmen
sympathise with terrorists.
I can put my hand on my heart
and say we on this side of the argument
have never ever sympathised
with terrorists anywhere.
You will know for example
that we have never in anyway
ever ever had anything to do with
Northern Irish Protestant paramilitaries
directly, indirectly, through intermediaries
or secretly through our secret services.
Never. Ever. Not ever. Or ever.
Nor any terrorists in Libya.
Or in Syria.
Oh, no Syria is different.
Sorry, as you were.
In Syria we sympathise with moderate terrorists.
Who do their terrorism moderately.
There are about 70,000 of them.
The moment we bomb ISL
the 70,000 moderate terrorists will come
rushing out of their houses and
head for Assad and get him.
There may be some Russians in the way.
Yes.
We have figured that out.
But...er...we haven't figured out what to do
about that yet.
But the 70,000 moderate terrorists
will get that sorted.
Russia isn't the big bear it once was.
No, really it's just an old threadbare teddy.
A threadbear.
Sorry, for that levity in a moment of deep, deep seriousness.
Which reminds me:
"No government takes the decision lightly to go to war...
that's why we keep doing it again and again
...er...not lightly.
So, I would like to plead with you
to stay united with us on this.
After all, there's no one else out there who's united.
Thank you.
Vote for war.
We've got to keep this economy going somehow.
Keynes wasn't right.
But Keynes for killing makes sense.
Pump prime the arms economy, stimulated growth.
You see, everything connects.
When they don't there's trouble.
And when there's trouble we pour oil on troubled waters.
Oil? Who mentioned oil?
Not me.
You must be thinking of someone else.
Thank you.
Bombs away!
Chin chin.
