Alice walked on.
In front of her was a door with a number on it: 10. She knocked and an invisible man pulled the door open. The moment she was inside she heard shouting and being curious, she put her head round the door frame of the nearest room.
An extremely angry man, who she would later hear was Mr Comings-and-Goings, was screaming at a large white dog. This was Johnson, the house dog at Number 10.
'You shouldn't have mentioned ditches!' Mr Comings-and-Goings was yelling at Johnson, 'Why did you talk about ditches?'
'Mea culpa non cupola,' said Johnson blearily, whilst keeping a firm eye on a rather splendid steak and mushroom pie that was sitting on the sideboard.
'O what does that mean?' said Alice brightly.
'How should I know?' said Mr Comings-and-Goings furiously.
'It means...' said Johnson sidling ever nearer to the pie, 'my fault but not my domed ceiling.'
'But that doesn't make sense,' said Alice crossly.
'That's the point,' said Mr Comings-and-Goings. 'Whenever he gibbers away with that stuff, all the scribes over there think that he's the most brilliant dog that ever barked. That's all that matters.'
'Are you entering him for some sort of competition? I love competitions,' Alice said, her eyes shining with expectation.
'Yes,' snapped Mr Comings-and-Goings, 'and we've got a lot of work to do getting him cleaned up in time for it. He's been pole dancing.'
'But...' Alice started to say but she was interrupted by Mr Comings-and-Goings:
'Enough questions. I don't like answering questions. If you want to ask questions I have other people to do that.'
At that, a tall, thin, cat with a sneery look on its face, appeared from behind the Grandfather Clock.
'Who is this nosy, little girl?' said the sneery cat.
'I don't know and I don't care,' said Mr Comings-and-Goings as he tapped the barometer on the wall and saying what sounded to Alice like very rude words.
'Who are you?' said the sneery cat directly to Alice.
'I'm Alice,' said Alice looking back at him, 'and who are you?'
'I am Mogg,' said the sneery cat, 'for I am the cat that purrs beautifully.'
'Cats do,' said Alice, 'there's no need to say that as if you're special.'
'What an odious little specimen, you are,' said Mogg.
They were interrupted by a very loud bell.
'Get up!' shouted Mr Comings-and-Goings to Johnson. 'You've got to go to the House. If you lose this one, you're for the ditch.'
'Can I take that rather delicious-looking pie with me?' said Johnson mournfully.
'No!' screamed Mr Comings-and-Goings and pushed Johnson out the door and he was followed soon after by the sneery Mogg.
I think I'll follow them, thought Alice.
And she did.
