Mr Mensh Books

Before I was ill Smokestack Books published a book of my poems for adults called 'Mr Mensh'.

This is the title poem: 

I’m not sure that the estate of Roger

Hargreaves would give permission but

sometimes I lie in bed imagining a

special series to go with the Mr Men

books...they’re Mr Mensh books,

a tribute to my parents and

all the words they called me:




Mr Shlump - the guy who walks about

in clothes he’s been wearing all week.

Mr Shloch- the guy who walks about

in clothes he’s been wearing all year

Mr Mommser - the guy who you don’t want

to know.

Mr Shpilkes - the guy who’s always worried

Mr Tsirres - the guy who’s got reason to be

worried because he’s in trouble

Mr Shtuch - the guy who’s also in trouble but

it’s a bit more trouble

Mr Dr’erd _ the guy who’s in even more trouble

Mr Mittandring - the guy who’s in even more trouble

Mr Dreck - the guy who’s crap

Mr Nebbish - the guy who looks like he’s turned everything

into crap

Mr Varkakhte - the guy who looks like he’s crapped himself

Mr Bubkes - the guy who talks rubbish

Mr Pisher - the guy who is rubbish

Mr Bubbele - the guy who is so much of a mummy’s boy he’s a grandmother’s boy

Mr Shmerel - the guy who’s a bit of a fool

Mr Shlemiel - the other guy who’s a bit of a fool

Mr Shmendrik - and another guy who’s a bit of fool

Mr Kvell - the guy who’s very proud of his son for having madei some soup

Mr Kvetsh - the guy who moans about the soup

Mr Chup - the guy who slurps the soup

Mr Shmalts - the guy who’s dribbled the soup down his front

Mr Shnorrer -the guy who wants your soup

Mr Chap - the guy who grabs your soup

Mr Chazze - the guy who can’t stop having soup

Mr Shmooze - the guy who sweet-talks you to get your soup off you

Mr Zhuzh - the guy who can turn a lousy soup into a good soup

Mr Knakke - the guy who thinks he knows more than your son about how to make soup

Mr Meshugge - the guy who talks nonsense about the soup

Mr Kibbitz - the guy who wants to have a chat while you’re having the soup

Mr Yachner - the guy who can’t stop talking about the soup

Mr Gantse Magilla - the guy who talks about every single thing that’s in the soup

Mr Gubba - the guy who tells you how to make the soup

Mr Ganuf - the guy who nicks your soup

Mr Shtum - the guy who keeps quiet about the guy who nicked your soup

Mr Kishkes - the guy who says that soup gives him a belly-ache

Mr Greps - the guy who has his soup and burps

Mr Fotz -the guy who has his soup and farts

Mr Gantse Macher - the guy who owns the soup factory

Mr Bocher - the guy who’s reading a book about the soup.