Wednesday, 23 April 2014
Shakespeare's Birthday Insults Poem (first broadcast on BBC Radio 4 PM April 22)
450 years to the good, do we see
In celebration thereof, have I offerings for thee.
Insults have I plucked from thy poems and plays
For use by tweeters, in these digital days.
"Thou cream faced loon"
"There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune"
"Thou art baser than a cutpurse"
"We know each other well. We do, and long to know each other worse. "
"Thou thing of no bowels thou." "Pied ninny!" "Scurvy patch!"
"Thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch."
"Thou poisonous slave"
"Filthy worsted-stocking knave"
"Damn’d and luxurious mountain-goat"
'The gold I give thee will I melt and pour down thy ill-uttering throat."
"Thou art nothing better than a disease"
"His breath stinks with toasted cheese"
"The food is such as hath been belched on by infected lungs"
"Thy tongue outvenoms all the worms of Nile"
"O you beast, o faithless coward, o dishonest wretch,
Wilt thou be made a man out of my vice?"
"It is certain that when he makes water, his urine is congealed ice."
"Get thee glass eyes; and, like a scurvy politician, seem to see the things, thou dost not."
William’s works will live on where’er he doth rove
In spite of, methinks, not because of Mr Gove.