Tuesday, 15 July 2014

In the future we don't call it a school

Welcome to this innovative place of learning.
You'll notice that I didn't call it a 'school'.
It's the Gove Learning Environment
where world-class 21st century ideas
are taught with world-class 21st century equipment.
All students have their own tablets
on to which Gove Curriculum Materials
have been pre-programmed. 
These materials cover all learning eventualities 
and outcomes. 
Students proceed by answering questions
which are automatically marked by the computer.
If they answer the questions correctly, they proceed.
If they are wrong, they go back and re-do that 
part of the programme.
We work to the principle of:
'If it can't be answered, it's not worth asking.'

With these digital based learning platforms,
we're breaking the old stranglehold of teaching unions
and local authorities over education.
In their place we have the most up-to-date
learning available, with programmes written
by tutors from MIT, Harvard, Oxford and Cambridge.
In fact, teachers aren't really necessary anymore.
Our Learning Enablers simply ensure that 
students carry on doing what they should be doing. 
Those who don't are removed from the Learning Hub
and put on the Gove Discipline Procedure 
until they are prepared to go back into the Learning Hub
and carry on with the Gove Curriculum Materials. 

Over here you can see the Gove Learning Chart
where the progress of each student is recorded.
And over here you can see the Gove Behaviour Chart
where the behaviour of each student is recorded.
This system of Internal League Tabling 
gives us up-to-the-minute monitoring of progress
in all aspects of a student's life and learning. 
Anyone appearing consistently at the bottom of 
either of the Gove Charts is excluded.
This maintains the high standards expected of all
students here.

We hope you will bring your children to 
the Gove Learning Environment.