Saturday 7 November 2015

More sheets from newly found 'Alice' book



MORE AND MORE SHEETS FROM THE NEWLY FOUND ALICE COMING UP FROM UNDER THE FLOORBOARDS

Alice, the Gibblet, the Piggy Bank and the Owl were having a tea party.

The Gibblet was talking to the Owl.
'Little owls can't fly unless they can calculate the speed of the wind.'
'And we desperately need owls who can fly,' said the Piggy Bank. 'Owls nowadays are much worse at flying than they used to be. Owls in China are much better at flying than our owls.'


The Owl scratched her head.
'In my experience,' said the Owl, 'little owls generally learn to fly. They practice, then they fly.'
'But,' said the Gibblet, 'some don't. They die. They fall out of the nest and along comes a rat and eats them.'
'And dead owls are no good for me,' said the Piggy Bank.
'This is sadly true,' said the Owl, 'but do we know whether, if they learn how to calculate the speed of the wind, this will make it less likely for those little owls who fall out of their nests to NOT fall out of their nests?'
'Why should I care about such a stupid question?' said the Gibblet.
'It didn't seem like a stupid question to me,' said Alice.
'Who asked you?' said the Gibblet.
'No one, ' said the Piggy Bank.
'Can I have some more tea?' said Alice.
'No,' said the Gibblet.

'Do we even know,' the Owl went on, 'whether little Owls can calculate the speed of the wind ?'
'We'll test them,' said the Gibblet, ' and those that can will pass.'
'But will those that pass be able to fly?' said the Owl.
'Why should I care about much a stupid question?' said the Gibblet.
'It didn't seem like a stupid question to me,' said Alice.
'Who asked you?' said the Gibblet.
'You can't fly, can you?' said the Piggy Bank.
'No,' said Alice feeling a big ashamed.
She thought for a bit, then she said to the Gibblet, 'can you fly?'
'Another stupid question,' said the Piggy Bank.
'Can you fly?' said Alice to the Piggy Bank.
'I'm a Piggy Bank,' said the Piggy Bank.

'I'm off now,' said the Owl, and she flapped her wings and flew off.
'Very bad flying,' said the Gibblet.
'Doesn't know how to calculate the speed of the wind,' said the Piggy Bank.
'Can you?' said Alice to them.
'Another stupid question,' said the Gibblet.
'I'll pour myself some tea,' said Alice.
'What a horrible girl,' said the Piggy Bank.

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The Blue Queen was sitting with her scribes.

Alice sat watching them.

'Today,' said the Blue Queen, 'I'm telling you how it works.'
'Oh good,' said the First Scribe.
'Oh good,' said the Second Scribe.
'Oh good,' said the Third Scribe.


'I know what you're going to say,' said Alice to the Fourth Scribe.

'Oh good,' said the Fourth Scribe.


'How does it work?' said the Queen to the Gibblet.

'You're going to convert all the black and white chess sets into brown and yellow chess sets,' hissed the Gibblet.

'Why?' whispered the Queen back to the Gibblet.

'So that they'll play chess better,' said the Gibblet.

'Will they?' said the Queen.

'Not necessarily,' said the Gibblet.

'So why are we doing it?' asked the Queen.

'Because we hate the black and white chess sets,' said the Gibblet furiously.


Alice heard all this and wondered what the Scribes would make of it.


'Now,' said the Blue Queen to the Scribes, 'we're going to convert all the black and white chess sets into brown and yellow chess sets.'

'Hurrah,' said the Scribes, 'this will make chess better. Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah.'

'Not necessarily,' said Alice.

'Is what that girl said true?' said the Scribes to the Blue Queen.

'Say 'We're making chess better!',' whispered the Gibblet to the Queen.

'We're making chess better,' said the Blue Queen.

'But will turning the black and white sets into brown and white sets make chess better?' said Alice.

'We're making chess better,' said the Blue Queen staring into the far distance.


Alice suddenly realised something: something can look like an answer, sound like an answer but not actually be an answer.


'The Blue Queen is making chess better,' chorused the Scribes.


Alice picked up a very large stick and....


[here the manuscript is indecipherable]

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