Monday, 30 November 2015

New Alice manuscript: Glory Party full of Heeby-Jeebies?

Levering up the floorboards in Lewis Carroll's room has produced yet more pages from the previously unknown Alice book

Alice found herself at a party.
She noticed that the Blue Queen was there, so was the Gibblet, and the Borogove. And a host of others.
A large creature came up to her, mumbling in Latin:
'Ego Loris sum,' he said nodding and trying ineffectually to brush the hair out of his eyes.
'What does that mean?' said Alice.
'It means, "I am Loris,"' he said proudly as if that proved something in itself.
'What's going on?' Alice asked.
'This, my girl, this,' barked Loris in a way that suggested that hearing his own voice gave him immense pleasure, 'is the Glory Party. Dulce et decorum est, pro patria mori. And don't you forget it, my girl.'
The moment Loris said this there was a ripple of applause round the whole party. 
Alice heard people saying, 'Immense', 'huge', 'marvellous', 'extraordinary', 'genius', 'what a leader' and so on.
Another man came over to her.
'I am Several Chaps,' he said.
'Oh you look like just one,' Alice said.
'I am more than I look,' he said.
'Actually you're less than you look,' said the Blue King and Alice watched while Several Chaps was taken out and put in the bin.

Alice heard someone say:

Bye-bye grant shapps
You were Several Chaps.
But it came at price:
none of them was nice.

Mysteriouser and mysteriouser, thought Alice. 

A group in the party were huddled round a magic lantern show laughing and slapping their sides.
'Look at this. The Neighbour Party next door are full of Splits.'
Alice looked. 
It was indeed.
'They don't know what to do,' the group laughed.
'Now come along, 'said the Blue King, 'we've got a war to fight.'

It all went quiet.

'What's the matter?' said the Blue King, 'don't tell me that our Glory Party is full of Heeby-jeebies? If it is, I'm going to have to get the Neighbour Party to come and help.'

'Ah hah hah hah,' said all the people in the party, 'the Neighbour Party is full of Splits.'

The Chorus of scribes were there and when they heard about the Neighbour Party's Splits they started writing that down over and over and over again.

'Aren't you interested in the Heeby-jeebies?' Alice asked. 'The Blue King can't go to war if the Glory Party are full of Heeby-jeebies.'

But the Chorus of scribes went on writing, the Neighbour Party is full of Splits. The Neighbour Party is full of Splits. The Neighbour Party is full of Splits....over and over and over again...

Alice walked on.