Sunday 15 May 2016

Transcript of planning meeting at Exams HQ - revealed!

Exam manager: So, Examiner 1, I've been looking at the paper you've written. It's interesting but I think too many children will be able to do it.

Examiner 1: Really, sir? And what's the matter with that?

Exam manager: I don't think you've understood some basic principles here, Examiner 1. The papers we deliver to Off-colour have to guarantee sufficient numbers of fails, otherwise it won't look like education is rigorous.

Examiner 1: But aren't we just trying to find out if the children know the stuff they're being taught?

Exam manager: Don't be a donkey, Examiner 1. We're talking about standards here. We need to show standards by thinking up questions that thousands of children can't do. Anything: trick questions, words that children have never come across before, wording of questions that loads of children won't understand, questions full of references that loads of them won't know...all that will do.

Examiner 1: Right sir. I'll get down to the rewrites, straight away.