Secret release of Starmer's speech later today

Good evening.
Believe it or not, I am your prime minister.
Israel. Yes. Israel.
Today, we've been hit by what can only be called a bombshell. Hah! Let's hope that wasn't said in bad taste.
However, let me proceed.
My friend and our ally, Benjamin Netanyahu who has striven (or is it 'strove?) more than anyone to build a just and fair place for all in Israel and...er....the other places that are...[checks notes] not, or...er...anyway, generally to do with Israel.
However - and this is a big however, as my Jewish teacher used to say because in a way I've always been Jewish. I do Friday nights, you know?
However, as I was saying, however, Bibi (as I like to call the old chap), has gone one step too far this time. Even some of my best friends are Jewish. I mean even some of my Jewish friends say that Bibi has gone too far this time.
They're saying 'How can we stick up for Israel if Israel is killing some children?'
'Not many, surely?' I say,
But even my best friends - who are Jewish - say that it's more than some.
So we've reached a cross roads. The time has come for me to say to my very good friend and ally Bibi, 'C'mon old Bibi, chum, ease up on Gaza.'
So David Lammy and I are going to go to the UN and make a speech as forceful as this one.
When it comes to a time when there will be peace and prosperity in Gaza and everyone can holiday there in peace and prosperity, the world will remember how David and I singlehandedly together (have I got that right?) saved the Middle East from Islamacist Jihadist Isis-ist, Daeshist, Hamas-ist, Palestine Actionist terrorist groups.
People will know how resolute we have been in ensuring that our RAF planes only took photos of waves breaking on the beautiful beach of Gaza. Vote Labour, good night.