Friday 6 November 2015

UNBELIEVABLE: Another sheet of Lewis Carroll's newly found manuscript comes to light


As Alice walked along she could hear the sound of soldiers being drilled. At least, that's what she thought it was.
She came round a corner and saw something that looked to her like an octopus marching to and fro.
The Gibblet was calling out the orders, while the Blue Queen looked on with a fixed stare into the middle distance
"Standards RAISE!' shouted the Gibblet.
The octopus raised its standards, two large flags on which were written 'Standards'.
'Not YOURS!' shouted the Gibblet, 'The Rabble's. Raise the Rabble's standards!'
The octopus now ran towards the Rabble. Alice could see that the Rabble was made up of groups of people - children and grown-ups reading books together.
The octopus was on to them in a flash, snatching the books off them with four or five of its tentacles and handing them brightly coloured little booklets with its other tentacles.
Alice walked over to the Blue Queen.
The Blue Queen nodded at her and said, 'That's my elite squid. 1500.'
'1500?' said Alice, 'But there's only one.'
'!500,' said the Queen.
'It's got 8 legs,' said Alice.
'!500,' said the Queen.
The Gibblet came slithering up.
'And you see what the Rabble have got now?' he said to Alice.
'Brightly coloured booklets?' Alice asked.
'Yes,' said the Gibblet, 'brighty coloured booklets full of dry gaffes.'
'Dry gaffes?' said Alice.
'Yes,' said the Gibblet, 'how else can you read, if you don't learn your dry gaffes?'
'Oh,' said Alice, 'I learned to read without learning my dry gaffes.'
'Then you didn't learn to read PROPERLY,' said the Gibblet.
'Did you learn your dry gaffes?' said Alice.
'No,' said the Gibblet.
'So you didn't learn to read PROPERLY, either,' said Alice to the Gibblet.
The Gibblet hissed loudly.
Alice turned to the Blue Queen.
'What are dry gaffes?' Alice asked her.
The Blue Queen looked into the middle distance and said, 'Dry gaffes are gaffes that are dry.'
'Did you learn your dry gaffes?' Alice asked her.
'The elite squid will raise standards,' the Blue Queen replied.
At which, the squid once again raised the flags marked 'STANDARDS'.
'Not YOURS!!!' screamed the Gibblet, tearing at his giblets in rage.
Alice walked on.