Monday 27 June 2016

Leaked letter from Henry MP to Corbyn

Dear Jeremy

You can't imagine how much soul-searching I've been through but, with great sadness and regret, I have to tell you that I'm resigning from the Shadow Cabinet. Just in case you don't know who I am, I'm the one with the curly hair who sits on the end. I often wear a checked jacket.

Can I say how sorry I am that you may well have heard about my resignation before receiving this letter? That's because, amazingly, the moment I spoke to someone at Newsnight about it, the media were after me like a pack of hounds. Just so as you know, I've only appeared on nine news outlets so far.

I think you're an honest person, but I've come to the sad conclusion that there really isn't much hope for honesty in politics. What we need are people who offer the country strong leadership and that doesn't always fit snugly with honesty.

Which brings me to the Remain campaign. We desperately needed someone who could lay to one side any reservations he had about the EU and instead pretend to have a huge, unswerving enthusiasm. This would have chimed with the electorate who we have to listen to, and who have told us over and over again that they are fed up with the EU.

And immigration. We really have to have a grown-up conversation about immigration. This means growing up and talking about immigrants. You live in your Westminster bubble and I don't suppose you've ever really seen an immigrant. Well, I can tell you a thing or two about immigrants.

I think it's vital at this time that someone stands up to David Cameron. We need to come up with a new narrative for people that chimes with what they think about immigrants.

You may be surprised to know that in the end I couldn't bring myself to vote Remain, and I voted with Gisela for Brexit. We met Nigel Farage on the evening of the count and I think we in the Labour Party I love so much have got a lot to learn from him.

That said, I think there's a lot to be said for coming up with a new narrative that takes us back into the EU and I will support any leader who advocates that policy.

At any moment now, the Chilcot report will be published and it's vital that we all stick together supporting the great Labour leaders of the past. I may be being a bit previous here, but I fear that's a job that you are quite simply not up to.

Anyway, that's it for now. If you have any ideas on how we can get the members in the party to stop supporting you, could you, in the interests of the party, tell us?

Very best
ps I haven't been meeting up with Peter Mandelson in the last few days in the Feathers.