Friday, 7 September 2018

Wanted: for topical news programmes

We are a production company providing a variety of top quality, topical news programmes for radio, TV, podcasts and other online platforms and we are looking for any politicians who have been disgraced, caught committing offences of any kind - false expenses claims, libel, lying, deceiving, etc or any politicians who escaped prosecution by making unfounded accusations under parliamentary privilege, any politicians who have lucrative (albeit legal) arrangements with companies who lobby parliament for special treatment of some kind, any politicians who have special relationships with foreign powers, known but not usually declared, any politicians with millions of pounds in tax havens or highly tax-efficient arrangements or if you are a politician who falls into one or other of these categories or anything that sounds similar, we need you urgently to appear in some of our programmes disguised as moderate, sensible, middle-of-the-road, reputable, reasonable, reliable, honest, not particularly wealthy people. We guarantee to make you feel welcome and you will be free to make your points uninterrupted and without any reminder of any of your past or present attachments, associations, misdemeanours, transgressions or crimes. In the event of our being in touch with you, could you please rehearse some accusations of your own, directed at any of the following: Jeremy Corbyn, the Labour Party, Momentum, the Labour Party Front Bench, Diane Abbott, Jeremy Corbyn and Jeremy Corbyn?
Look forward to hearing from you.