I would like to state absolutely categorically that though I did earlier suggest that I had not lent the dog in 'We're Going on a Bear Hunt' to anyone, least of all a police officer or a member of HM Government, that is not in fact strictly true. I can say, hand on heart, that in fact, yes, there was one occasion when the wife of a prominent police officer did borrow the dog to take to Ascot, which I can now agree was some hospitality that I did pay for. What's more, it would also be true to say that there were several occasions when a member of the cabinet did borrow the dog as part of a picnic weekend I hosted in the Cotswolds.
Frankly, though I feel duty bound to reveal these things, they are trivial, aren't they? Have we really arrived at a point where the harmless lending of a dog is something that has the dinner tables of Hampstead all abuzz? Meanwhile, the terrorists are not simply at our door, they've broken through it. We have raving trotskyite subversives breaking up good decent business practice of training on the job at below-the-rate pay and then howling like wolves simply because the Secretary of State for Education is doing his job, putting failing schools into the capable hands of local business-men.
I can tell you we are fast approaching a time when honest men and women will have to stand up and be counted. If it means herding feral children into vans and putting them in camps, so be it. If it means closing mosques, so be it.
In the meantime, let's not make a dog's dinner out of a little story about a dog, eh?
Boris for president! Oh yes.