Thursday 19 January 2012

I seem to have hacked into Number 10...

"I say, Samanth, do be a love and pass me one of those bikkies. Did you see my speech today? No? Well, I know this sounds boasty but I think I did pretty bloody OK. I've got this whole riff thingy going on 'popular capitalism'. What do you think? Oh, I didn't mean those bikkies, I meant the figgy roll ones. Anyway, the great thing about popular capitalism, you see, is that it sounds er...erm....popular. You see? I mean when it comes down to it, people like capitalism. Everyone does. Bloody hell, everyone does all bloody right by capitalism. Apart from er...erm....those who don't. So popular capitalism, you see dear, sounds pretty damned OK. And then one of the little chaps in the back room came up with 'turbo-capitalism'. Three years at Balliol didn't do him any harm, eh? Oh...have you? Take some nurophen, then...anyway, where was I? Yes, so this little chap, says, turbo-charged, y'know, Jeremy Clarkson, that sort of thing, turbo-capitalism, gettit? I pounced on it. Sound bloody bite or what? Did you find the figgy rolls? Actually, between you and me Samanth, it means sweet f.a., football league and premiership all in one. Turbo-capitalism! Hah, there's just capitalism and capitalism. That's what Vernon taught me when I was up. At least I think it was him. All a bit of a bloody haze to tell the truth. What? Yes, yes, yes, I know it's thin ice, darling. Don't start lecturing me. Look, don't you worry, I'll be spending weeks in bloody meetings with the City boys telling them that I didn't mean a bloody word of it. Of course I will. I'll just explain to them that I have to say that tosh in order to keep little Eddie Moribund on his toes. I'll just say to them: of course I don't mean it, go bloody forth and multiply, I'll say to them. And if there's one thing that lot know how to do it's  multiply, eh, poppet. Samanth? Samanth? Bloody hell, it's only 10.30 and you're sparko."