"Good evening. These are hard times. Many of you are feeling the pinch and I feel your pain. But we know why it's so hard for you. It was the last government. They spent and spent and spent until they brought the world economic system to its knees. And now we're rolling up our sleeves and picking up the pieces.
First of all we've got to tackle waste. People say to me, look at all the people being paid out of the public purse. And I say, exactly. That's the kind of thing that had the world economic system on its knees.
Now, we've tried all sorts of ways to stop all this silly spending. We've got to get people back to work. There are jobs. All sorts of jobs. Big jobs. Small jobs.Tiny jobs. Tiny, tiny, tiny jobs. Jobs with pay. Jobs without pay. But they're all jobs. And there are loads of them. And we need to get people doing them. And they won't do them if we folk in government keep giving them money. The last government - who brought the world economic system to its knees - went on giving and giving and giving.
We're going to stop that. But we need your help. So we're starting something new. We've already launched the Big Society. And a great success it's been with big society thingies happening all over the place. And small ones. And tiny ones. And tiny,tiny,tiny ones. Everywhere. Marvellous.
Now we're launching the Big Sod Society. This is where you can do your bit. Here's how: if you're in the supermarket and you see a poor person buying something - go up to them and say, 'Hey you, where did you get that money from?' If they say, they got it by working for it, you can leave them alone. But if they say they're on benefits of any kind, kick them.
This is how we're going forward.