Saturday 5 December 2015

Newly found Alice in Wonderland pages come to light


Alice sat down on a bench.
A very important-sounding voice said, 'You can't sit here.'
Alice looked round. She couldn't see anyone, so she went on sitting.
'You're sitting on me,' the voice said.
Alice looked down. She realised that it was the bench talking to her.
'I am Military Bench,' said the bench, 'and we will fight them on the beaches.'
'Who?' said Alice.
'We've done it before and we'll do it again,' he said.
'Yes,' said Alice, 'but who?'
'There's only one word for them,' said Military Bench, 'because that's what they are.'
'Who though?' said Alice.
'And we will stand by our French friends,' Military Bench went on.
Alice looked up and saw that the scribes were there too, and they were clapping.
'What a remarkable speech,' they chorused.
'One of the best speeches ever,' they chorused.
'The best leader they haven't got,' they chorused.

Just then Alice heard a booming sound far off.
'What's that?' said Alice.
'That,' said Military Bench, 'is the sound of greatness. We have shown the world we won't take it lying down. We will meet force with force and farce with farce. An eye for a tooth and a tooth for a leg.'

The scribes applauded.

'Oh,' said Alice, 'no one will be hurt, will they?'

'Aha,' said Military Bench, 'only the bad ones.'
'And we're on the side of the good ones?' said Alice.
'Yes and no,' said Military Bench, 'in this particular case, the two sides, as such, are both bad. Apart from us. We're good.'
'Good,' said Alice,'I wouldn't want to be bad.'
'And, because they're bad, we're getting at the bad ones.'
'Which bad ones?' said Alice.
'The bad ones,' said Military Bench.

Another boom went off in the distance

'And no good ones will be hurt?' said Alice anxiously.

'Well, we won't actually know whether they will be or won't be. Or if we do know, we won't be telling you. I can swear to that on my father's grave,' said Military Bench.

'Ah, his father,' said one of the scribes.
'Ironic!' said another.
That's a funny name, thought Alice, so his full name must have been 'Ironic Bench'.
I would like to find out more about him, one day, she thought.

The Bench seemed now to be puffing itself up, getting bigger and bigger, so Alice thought she'd walk on.

And she did.