Thursday 23 August 2018


I went to the doctors and said I’ve

got a bad hip, my hip hurts. He said,

stand up. I stood up. He said, take

off your shirt. I took off my shirt. He

said, turn round. I turned round. It all

went quiet. I looked over my shoulder

at him. He was looking at my back.

It’s bent, he said, it’s curved. Is it? I

said. Yes, it’s what we call scoliosis.

Right, I said, who did that? You did,

he said. I did? I said, when? I don’t

remember curving my back. No, he

said, I don’t suppose you do. What

did I do, I said, did I lean? Possibly, he

said. But from what you’re saying, one bit

of me leant one way and another bit

of me leant the other? Yes, he said,

So have I got to lean back now? I said.

Yes, he said. How will I know when

I’ve leaned back enough? I mean, I don’t

want to do a whole lot of leaning back

and discover that I’ve leaned too far,

otherwise I’ll have to lean back again

the way I came from, I said. Good point,

he said, you don’t want to lean too

much. Is that it then? I said. Do you

smoke? he said. No, I said. That’s good,

he said.